What Bankers Say v What They Mean

Highlights from the popular tweets featured on @bankerstown


That was a hell of a night” (I’m hungover. You talk to the damned investors)

I trust you will” (If you don’t, I’ll gouge out your sad, dull eyes and eat them)

How’s the family?” (I think you have kids. Don’t remember how many or what type, and don’t really care)

We’ve got a problem” (I found it first and I’m declaring it your problem)

Where the fuck have you been?” (I got here five minutes before you did)

Creditworthy” (once we’ve whitewashed the shit we don’t want anyone seeing)

I’m negotiating with a private equity client” (I’m pulling down my trousers and bending over)

You’ve got to have some skin in the game” (If this goes wrong, your children’s children’s children will still be working off the debt)
We’ve got to have some skin in the game” (If this goes wrong, we’ll skip the caviar tonight and go straight to the lobster)
Government’s got to have some skin in the game” (Free money! No risk! Crack open the Cohibas and the Krug!)

What you up to this weekend?” (I’m not listening and I don’t care)

Inside price talk” (cheaper than the back-of-a-fag-packet numbers we put out there to reel in the mugs)

You got plans tonight?” (cancel them. You’re working through to breakfast. And get my breakfast)

congratulations on winning the deal” (if you ever take a deal off me again, I’ll slaughter your dogs. And feed them to your children)

I’m pitching this morning” (I’m lying this morning)

sell it at x” (it’s worth twice that, but at this price our friends can gobble it up on the cheap and we’ll get our fee)

This deal can wash its face” (but washing isn’t going to make it any prettier).

It’s on us” (the fees you’re paying us, we might just buy the whole damned bar. On expenses).

This is a great deal” (this is the deal I’m selling)

groundbreaking” (risky)
innovative” (flaky)
exotic” (liable to fall apart at any moment)

Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it” (Someone else’ll take care of it, but I’ll get the credit)

Erm, how’s the deal going?” (you and I really have nothing in common at all)

I’m worried about Syria/Ukraine/Nigeria/Sudan” (I’m worried it’s gonna hit our bottom line)

Got a minute?” (cancel your plans for the weekend)

Got a few minutes?” (cancel your holiday)

Good news for shareholders” (Bad news for everyone else)